This is what a guy wrote to our systems analyst: Dear Systems Analyst, I am desperate for some help! I recently upgraded my program from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0 and found that the new program began unexpected Child Processing and also took up a lot of space and valuable resources.
This wasn’t mentioned in the product brochure. In addition Wife 1.0 installs itself into all other programs and launches during systems initialization and then it monitors all other system activities. Applications such as “Boys’ Night out 2.5” and “Golf 5.3” no longer run, and crashes the system whenever selected. Attempting to operate selected “Saturday Football 6.3” always fails and “Saturday Shopping 7.1” runs instead. I cannot seem to keep Wife 1.0 in the background whilst attempting to run any of my favourite applications. Be it online or offline. I am thinking of going back to “Girlfriend 7.0”, but uninstall doesn’t work on this program. Can you please help?
……………….AND THE ANALYST SAID,
Dear Customer, This is a very common problem resulting from a basic misunderstanding of the functions of the Wife 1.0 program. Many customers upgrade from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0 thinking that Wife 1.0 is merely a UTILITY AND ENTERTAINMENT PROGRAM. Actually, Wife 1.0 is an OPERATING SYSTEM designed by its Creator to run everything on your current platform.
You are unlikely to be able to purge Wife 1.0 and still convert back to Girlfriend 7.0, as Wife 1.0 was not designed to do this and it is impossible to uninstall, delete or purge the program files from the System once it is installed. Some people have tried to install Girlfriend 8.0 or Wife 2.0 but have ended up with even more problems. (See manual under Alimony/Child Support and Solicitors’ Fees).
Having Wife 1.0 installed, I recommend you keep it Installed and deal with the difficulties as best as you can. When any faults or problems occur, whatever you think has caused them, you must run the……… C:\ APOLOGIZE\ FORGIVE ME.EXE Program and avoid attempting to use the *Esc-Key for it will freeze the entire system. It may be necessary to run C:\ APOLOGIZE\ FORGIVE ME.EXE a number of times, and eventually hope that the operating system will return to normal. Wife 1.0, although a very high maintenance programme, can be very rewarding.
To get the most out of it, consider buying additional Software such as “Flowers 2.0” and “Chocolates 5.0” or “HUGS\ KISSES 600.0” or “TENDERNESS\ UNDERSTANDING 1000.0″ or even Eating out without the Kids 7.2.1” (if Child processing has already started). DO NOT under any circumstances install “Secretary 2.1” (Short Skirt Version) or “One Nightstand 3.2” (Any Mood Version), as this is not a supported Application for Wife 1.0 and the system will almost certainly CRASH.
Kwa niaba ya waandishi wote wa Jamii, tungependa kuchukua fursa hii kurudisha shukrani zetu kwa KSB. Salamu zetu zimwendee Bwana Okoth Osewe na waandishi wote wa KSB, kwa kututambua na kushirikiana nasi katika blogu yao.
KSB ni mtambo mmoja wa sifa, sio hapa tu Sweden, bali hata kwingineko ulimwenguni. Waandishi wake wana ushupavu na akili za kufichua siri na kutatua matatizo zinazohusu Wakenya, kwa kufuata viongo na vidokezi wanavyovigundua kupitia kwa njia za ushirikiano na Wakenya.
Habari za Jamii zimeanza kuvuma kwa mlio mmoja. Ni matumaini yetu kwamba tutaendelea kutunza mradi huu na tutashirikiana na KSB na wengineo, kwa kuelimisha, kukosoa, kurekebisha na kukaribisha mijadala ya aina nyingi. Hatua za mwisho zimekamilishwa katika juhudi za kuwakaribisha watakaochangia habari kwa mradi huu wa Jamii.
Tunaendelea kuunda jopo la wataalam na washauri kutoka sehemu mbalimbali ulimwenguni, na KSB ni mojawapo. Kazi ya jopo itakuwa ni kusoma, kuchanganua na kuhariri habari za jamii. Kupitia hali hii, tutajadili maneno, fasili maana na matumizi ya lugha yetu ya Kiswahili, na hata kuwajibu wasomaji wetu barua nyingi ambazo zimetufikia hadi leo.
Sifa mojawapo ya Jamii ni kwamba inakusanya na kushirikisha mawazo ya Wakenya kwa jumla. Ni matumaini yetu ya kwamba tutashirikiana katika kuimarisha mradi huu. Kwa niaba ya waandishi wote wa Jamii, tunawashukuru wasomaji wetu wote. Asanteni!
Munala wa Munala na Jared Odero